2010年8月24日星期二

劉員外落跑記

從前有個馬員外因為他姓馬。還有個劉員外，不消說，他當然姓劉。

馬員外想要當萬人之上，無人之下的太上皇，可是，現在的「皇位」已經不能夠再像他的父執、伯叔輩時代--世襲制度。新制度雖然可以免去宮廷內的砍殺，但是，新制度要對百姓「示好」。

馬員外什麼本事也沒有，不過，對內鬥爭、對外示好的本領其實很強。

在經過一連串的宮廷鬥爭之後，包括裝可憐、裝清廉、裝公正、裝義氣、甚至還假裝美少年、肌肉男，當然絕不會忘記裝出一副很有國際觀的樣子，例如：好像他的母語是英文那樣的。（像我，只會跟鍵盤說話的精靈，英文當然粉差囉。）……等等，終於矇騙了700多萬蛤蠣（俗稱：拉ㄚ）的愛好者，這些人很喜歡將拉ㄚ肉貼在眼睛上做保養，於是，這些目珠狗拉ㄚ肉的700萬先生女士，聽見馬員外一連串的示好，就選了他當皇，於是他的諡號為「騜」。

「廢話說了這麼多，那劉員外的故事呢？」一名聽眾非常憤怒地想翻桌，衝著我破口大罵。

現在的聽眾、觀眾都沒什麼耐心，那我就跳過去說劉員外的故事好了。

首先呢，劉員外在他的家鄉蓋了一間池塘，對不起，池塘要算一座。所以，那是筆誤，正確的是他蓋了一間祠堂。並且恭迎了一群不知哪來的孤魂野馬，這群孤魂野馬，實在住不慣這種不自由、沒有馬性和鬼性的地方，於是，他們只將這兒當作廁所使用。後人於是稱之為「馬糞館」。

對於諡號為「騜」的馬員外而言，剪綵是他最最最愛的事啦，所以，他也不去管什麼孤魂野馬跟他有什麼十代八代幾千輩子的關係，反正他一下子說自己是XX人，一下子又說自己是OO人，（至於XXOO，讀者們請自行置換，就想像你在考刁難學生的克漏字啊，自己塞一個詞就是了。）所以，這個充滿馬糞的房子，也可以讓他憑弔一下，說自己又是跟喵喵縣血濃於水，最重要的是--要給我剪綵。馬員外，喔不，作者是個有禮貌的鍵盤精靈，應該稱「騜」。「騜」很開心地，我剪、我剪、我剪剪……高興之餘，還差點跳起銼冰舞……紅豆、大紅豆…因為四肢不協調，要他跳「sorry、sorry」那可是萬萬辦不到的啦。

說真的啦，你以為蓋馬糞館不用錢？你以為天天宅配拉ㄚ給百姓敷臉，又寫錯了，是敷眼睛！你以為天天宅配拉ㄚ不用錢，要不是有那麼多人天天搶著免費的拉ㄚ肉狗（『狗』在這兒是動詞--是『敷』、『黏住』的意思）在眼睛上，馬員外能當上「騜」嗎？所以，問題來啦………錢從哪裡來？？

各位觀眾，鍵盤精靈有點睡眠不足，關於錢從哪裡來，其實你們比精靈我更清楚，於是，我就只說最近的「找錢密技」，其餘跳過，好讓我有點時間補眠。

未完……待續

2010年8月22日星期日

一隻怪獸

有一個很可怕的怪獸，天天在騷擾我。我拿起武器要對付牠，牠躲得無影無蹤。我不理牠，牠就來咬我、踢我、想把我吃掉...每天聚精會神等著要跟牠決鬥，牠就好像不存在似的，讓你找也找不到，可是只要鬆懈下來，牠馬上來啃你一口...怪獸的名字..................叫"老化"。

2010年8月7日星期六

令人驚豔的生物與攝影技術

Dinner? It’s fast food from the deep freeze

By CAROLINE GRANT
Created 8:16 PM on 01st February 2009

In a flash of brilliant blue, with wings folded in for maximum speed, he rockets towards a hole in the ice.

Plunging into the freezing water the kingfisher snaps once, twice and again.

Then, with a twist and a flap, he bursts out into the air, a three-course dinner safely in hand - or rather, beak.

Gotcha: It snaps up one of the tiny silvery fish near the bottom of the pristine lake

These amazing pictures were taken at a small, pristine river in Land Hessen, central Germany. They show the bird returning to the water several times, until he had his fill.

Kingfishers can capture 80 small fish, such as perch or sticklebacks, over the course of a day.

In for the kill: The kingfisher hurtles towards a hole in the ice

The birds are notoriously difficult to photograph in action because of their speed, which can reach up to 60mph when diving.

In recent years they have been battling against water pollution and changes in habitat.

Like a flash: They are notoriously difficult to photograph as they travel so fast

Their numbers declined in Britain in the last century, but a recent study by the RSPB has shown that the birds are starting to flourish again.

The kingfisher is now widespread in central and southern England although less common further north.

Fish kebab: The bird breaks the surface with a meal of three tasty bites

小米開爾的童話榔頭

2010年8月24日星期二

劉員外落跑記

2010年8月22日星期日

一隻怪獸

2010年8月7日星期六

令人驚豔的生物與攝影技術

Dinner? It’s fast food from the deep freeze

In a flash of brilliant blue, with wings folded in for maximum speed, he rockets towards a hole in the ice.

Plunging into the freezing water the kingfisher snaps once, twice and again.

Then, with a twist and a flap, he bursts out into the air, a three-course dinner safely in hand - or rather, beak.

These amazing pictures were taken at a small, pristine river in Land Hessen, central Germany. They show the bird returning to the water several times, until he had his fill.

Kingfishers can capture 80 small fish, such as perch or sticklebacks, over the course of a day.

The birds are notoriously difficult to photograph in action because of their speed, which can reach up to 60mph when diving.

In recent years they have been battling against water pollution and changes in habitat.

Their numbers declined in Britain in the last century, but a recent study by the RSPB has shown that the birds are starting to flourish again.

The kingfisher is now widespread in central and southern England although less common further north.

There are an estimated 3,600-6,000 pairs in Britain.

They are usually found living and hunting by still or slow-flowing water such as lakes, canals and rivers in lowland areas.

關於我自己

Labels

2010年8月24日 星期二

劉員外落跑記

2010年8月22日 星期日

一隻怪獸

2010年8月7日 星期六

令人驚豔的生物與攝影技術

Dinner? It’s fast food from the deep freeze

In a flash of brilliant blue, with wings folded in for maximum speed, he rockets towards a hole in the ice.

Plunging into the freezing water the kingfisher snaps once, twice and again.

Then, with a twist and a flap, he bursts out into the air, a three-course dinner safely in hand - or rather, beak.

These amazing pictures were taken at a small, pristine river in Land Hessen, central Germany. They show the bird returning to the water several times, until he had his fill.

Kingfishers can capture 80 small fish, such as perch or sticklebacks, over the course of a day.

The birds are notoriously difficult to photograph in action because of their speed, which can reach up to 60mph when diving.

In recent years they have been battling against water pollution and changes in habitat.

Their numbers declined in Britain in the last century, but a recent study by the RSPB has shown that the birds are starting to flourish again.

The kingfisher is now widespread in central and southern England although less common further north.

There are an estimated 3,600-6,000 pairs in Britain.

They are usually found living and hunting by still or slow-flowing water such as lakes, canals and rivers in lowland areas.

2010年8月24日星期二

2010年8月22日星期日

2010年8月7日星期六